Bad News About The Zombie Apocalypse
By now you’ve probably heard of the “Turing test”
For the uninitiated: it’s something Benedict Pumpkinpatch made up when he created the character Alan Turing for his movie The Imitation Game about a man who wants to be a computer.
It’s “a test of a machine's ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human.”
Whatever. In a zombie apocalypse, there’s no time for all that shit. You need to know who’s a zombie and who’s not, FAST.
Good news is there are three questions that will help you distinguish man from beast.
Anyone presenting as human should be screened before being allowed entry to your compound.
Finish the sentence: Weird Al ____
Yankovic
Do you like J Cole?
No. He drives the algorithms wild but nobody likes his music.
Bobby Shmurda does what dance?
Shmoney Dance
Bad news is preliminary polling indicates 60-70% of your neighbors could be zombies and we may already living in the apocalypse.
All Hail our Algorithmic Overlords
(cunts)
Smoke Dog Blog
Business People like the word “fuck”
Movers and shakers gotta get things done, and sometimes they gotta curse in the name of doing.
Your clients don’t actually like the purple-haired conquistadors on Twitter, whose understandable desires to gorge on human flesh masquerade as hypersensitivity to language.
Colorful language is your friend
If you want people to trust you and give you their money, you have to let them know that you’re in their tribe of bloodthirsty Mongols eager to savage your enemies in the name of margin. Tribesmen swear.
Be careful
Like all hammer-shaped ideas, “fuck” is a tool, not a weapon. Proceed with caution.